Tube profits soar - but by how much?

50 million quid or a 100 million quid

Depending on which paper you read (Evening Standard - �100 million) or which media you watch or listen too (BBC - �50 million), Tubelines & Metronet are making a fook or a lot of money whichever figure you believe.

I know it's slightly inane to say where is it all going - some fat cats pockets (the chief exec of Metronet gets paid �552,000 a year) - but have we really seen any major improvements to the tube since the public private partnership changes?

As far as I see on my journeys there are no extra trains, they're not particularly any more efficient.

"Tube Lines - (one of private maintenance firms) - announced it had its best quarter-year performance since it took over the lines.

But it added signal failures rose by almost 50% from 22 August to 18 September, compared with the same period in 2003."

And yet only last week Sheriff Ken Livingstone announced that Tube fares would have to go up over the next five years to help fund extra investment - D'OH, D'OH, D'OH

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Wednesday, October 20, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Today's Metro Momentos

Driver's announcements in Metro

Well it's only taken five years, but hurrah - the driver's announcements from goingunderground.net have made it into Metro, on the back of Mecca's book (D'OH - she had so better share her royalties with me). However, as sod's bloody law would have it the company that does my domain forwarding decided to go slow today and the forwarding has been down most of the morning - D'OH, D'OH, D'OH - anyway back up again now - so if you managed to find this blog through Metro after reading the announcements, welcome to you all. And also many thanks to Fiona Macdonald the editor of Metro Commuter - she does read the blog and I've given her column some mixed reviews in the past, but it appears she's taken it all in good spirit and finds it amusing.



Tube Haikus

Also on the Metro Commuter page, following the special Metro did for National Poetry Day, they've been "inundated with shining examples of commuter verse". Here's a few of my favourites:

Damn the Circle line
Counting minutes ticking by
Killing life's lost time.

I'm offered her seat
but reject her kind insult
This journey's aged me

The train is filling
Why does your bag need a seat?
I am getting stressed.

More haikus are welcomed at commuter@ukmetro.co.uk.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Monday, October 18, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Elephant & Waterloo

I go through Waterloo several times a week - but not often going down onto the Jubilee line, so it's taken me a while to spot this - anyone know why there is an elephant here? Just wondered.





And back to Notting Hill Gate - where everything happens - including misleading information from LU. Take the display board on the southbound platform for the District & Circle lines. It lies - blatantly!

When I was waiting there the other day to go to Wimbledon, I noticed that it scrolls the message "For Kensington Olympia change at Earl's Court" it says - which, if you think about it could mean that you'd let a circle line train pass, wait for the District one, change at Earl's Court, then change and wait for the Olympia one.





But Olympia trains start at High St. Ken (the next stop down), so surely it would be quicker sometimes to take a Circle (if one came first) and change at High St. Ken?

And it was for me that day! I got the Circle (within 1 minute) ran over to platform 3 and got the Olympia train within a minute, and then changed at Earl's Court and got a train down to Wimbledon which had come down from Upminster - quicker than If I'd of waiting for the Wimbledon train at Notting Hill ... surely?

Finally, a quick abuse of my privileges here as I request something to you all - I need to find a location to take a photo of one of those colourful iPod posters - at a tube station. There was one at Latimer Road the other week, but by the time I'd got back there with my camera it had gone - so can anyone think/tell me of a place that they've seen recently where a tube train & iPod advert combine? Please let me know in the comments ...

London Underground; Tube Posted by geofftech Sunday, October 17, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Notting Hill : Where everything happens

Ok, now I normally dislike posts that don't have a picture to go with them - but today I totally forget to bring my camera with me (normally have it in my pocket all the time), so did not get the chance to take a picture of any of things that I'm about to talk about! Grrrr.

I was down Notting Hill Gate this afternoon, where a funny thing happened.

Actually the point is that within the space of about 2 minutes, loads of 'typical' funny tube things happened.

Firstly, as I approach the gates, the left-handed woman in front of me does that trick where she puts her ticket in, and the gates to the side of where she's standing open up and she's all confused until I point out to her what she's done.

Secondly, just a couple of seconds later as I go through the gates behind her - a complete t*sser follows me through the barriers on my ticket, and runs off down the stairs!

Thirdly - as I get to the bottom of the steps there is a guy with a megaphone (except he's not actually using it) saying "Jesus is coming back sooner than you think!", and is handing out leaflets to people as they get to the bottom, inlcuding the LU cleaner who takes one and starts to read it!

Fourthly - I run and jump on a train that is pulling in, and as I do so, a confused tourist is saying "This train Ealing Broadway?", and everyone ignores her, so she repeats herself a couple of times until the guy nearest the door says "Naaah love - West Ruislip innit".

Fifthly - as the doors are closing, a suited type run and squeezes onto the train. Then the electronic announcer says "This train is for .. West Ruislip", at which point he looks all annoyed and looks up at the line map. "He's going the wrong way!" I think, and sure enough at Holland Park, he gets out and crosses over to the eastbound platform.

Ticket problems, doubling up, preachers, tourists and going the wrong way all in the space of two minutes! And that's why I love the tube.

I've got another Notting Hill ramble to do - about how LU complete misinform you to your possible detriment - but I'll save it until I've got my camera and can take a picture of what I want to talk about. Probably tomorrow. Until then ...

London Underground; Tube Posted by geofftech Wednesday, October 13, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Hammersmith seats

Most confusion for tourists

Just in case you don't read all the comments on the entries (shame on you), you might have missed the fab picture that Makali took of a seat at Glamoursmith (Hammersmith)



His friend and fellow blogger Bruce tells the story of the "creative vandalism" and is amazed that two of the people with him sat down without spotting it first of all.

It rox! Many thanks Bruce for drawing our attention to it.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Tuesday, October 12, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Has living in London corrupted you?

London Quiz

Capital FM launched one of those "you know you're a Londoner when...", "how much of a Londoner are you?" type quizzes today - Capitalconfessions.

This one's rather titillating (for want of a better word), but includes a few tube related questions to work out just how much of a corrupt Londoner you are:

Have you ever taken a train without a valid ticket?

Have you ever?

Given a travelcard to a ticket tout

Bought a travelcard from a ticket tout

Been a travelcard ticket tout

Ever been sick:

In the back of a cab

In your handbag / briefcase

In a tube station

On a moving tube train

Ever got the first tube home from a night out?

Which of these sounds the rudest?

Going down the Old Kent Road

Hanging out on the New Kings Road

Being taken round the M25 to Feltham

Heading south of the river after midnight

Switching to the Bank Branch of the Northern Line

Riding the DLR to Mudchute

I was 31% corrupt which I think is quite good going considering I've lived in and around London for all of my life, it's not corrupted me that much. Although I've travelled a lot without a valid ticket, I've never bought or sold to a ticket tout. Never got the first tube home. Also never thrown up on a moving tube train or in my handbag or the back of a cab.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Monday, October 11, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Random mutterings

I haven't posted for a while have I? ("Hurrah!" I hear you cry").

In amongst trying to find somewhere to live, attending film premieres and gala luncheons in my capacity as a celebrity and what with it being end-of-year time at work I've been quite worn out.

I regularly catch a train from Charing Cross to either New Cross or Lewisham to get home from town but yesterday I was somewhat bemused to look out of the window just after leaving Waterloo East to see that we were going round the connecting loop to Cannon Street. At first I thought some dopey signalman had set the points wrong but the driver then came over the PA to tell us that due to engineering works at London Bridge station we had to go into Cannon Street where he would change ends and then drive us back out to London Bridge. The pointwork just west of London Bridge station prevents trains from crossing over from the "middle" tracks to the "left hand" tracks (platforms 1 and 2) if you're coming from Charing Cross, thus the slight detour into Cannon Street.

I wouldn't have minded except I was now at the very front of the train instead of the very back so I had to walk all the way through it to be in the right place for the change to the DLR at Lewisham. Tut.

Anyway, Geoff sent me some pictures this morning of us tooling around at Canary Wharf station (he doesn't often go out there so it was like being a tourist for him) and here's one of us looking into the camera for no reason whatsoever. This picture was taken a few hours after we'd done the running-off-the-train-in-a-convincing-way-for-the-cameras photoshoot at High Street Kensington.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Neil Monday, October 11, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Bloggers End of Year Party

First signs of Xmas

OMIGOD - you know it's getting near to festivities when people start talking about arranging Christmas parties and parts of the UK blogging community are starting to do that now. Rich Wild from funjunkie.co.uk organised last year's (if you want to see comments from fellow partygoers) and I was SOOOOOO in two minds about going to it. But in the end I did and had a fab time. So if you want to meet other bloggers in the flesh rather than cyberspace pop along this this page and express your interest, no date has been set yet but it's likely to be late November/early December. Doesn't matter how long you've had your blog for As Rich said if you could pimp or mention it on your blogs that would be fab too.

Second sign of Xmas

On Monday I saw the infamous Santa having slash poster on a tube carriage



(Adopting Noddy Holder scream) It's CRRRRISSSSSSMAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Thursday, October 07, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Distances between stations tube map - UPDATE

Ask and someone will come up with it

Amazing - only after putting this request out a couple of days ago, Ian Dolby has spent a few hours with the tube map and Clive's distances between stations to bring an excellent and handy map which shows how far tube stations are from each other.



So coupled with the map that shows walkways between stations and the geographical Tube map you'll have a good idea whether you should just leg it between stops rather than taking the tube, or if you just want to see how far you've covered going from Cockfosters to Clapham South.

Cheers Ian - it's brill. Hopefully, we won't get aksed by the powers that be at the LU to take this down (see what happened to the South London Tube Map - well spotted Diamond Geezer) as it's not actually manipulating the map.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Wednesday, October 06, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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London Transport Haiku Returns

Metro published more commuter's haiku(s) (does haiku have a plural?) this morning. There was a very clever one about blackberries and comparing the bluetooth ones with the more familar fruit variety.

Sorry I can't remember it and I left my Metro behind as I was running late for a meeting.

I'd love to know how many entries they actually get for things like this, they were on a bit of a roll when they asked for entries last year.

But if you're in the mood to see a whole collection of haiku that are just tube related this page is great.

I particularly like:

Pumpin' drum-n-bass
MiniDisc? Shut the fuck up!
Tinnitus be mine

and

Ignorant lardarse
Let me get off the tube now
Or I will kick you

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Monday, October 04, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Distances between stations map???

Map week

Harry Beck on TV last night. Me and Will Dyke were at the Ken Garland lecture on Harry Beck and the map last night too, and although in a church hall it was actually interesting. It was back at my old stomping ground of Kew and run by the Kew Society, so it had many active Kew residents who had actually campaigned to get the North London Link included on the tube map (I believe this is the only mainline route showing on the tube map, even though Beck suggested more could be added).



Even Beck did his own spoof tube map (above from the book Mr Beck's Underground Map). Ken Garland thought it was pretty hilarious but I think it helps to know your way around electrical circuits diagrams, which he based the Tube map on.

Just had an interesting question by email though which someone may know the answer to: Richard Durkan would like to know where he can get hold of a map which shows the mileage between the different tube stations.

I don't think one exists - there's lots of debates about geographically correct tube maps and I've seen a map that shows walkways between tube stations - but distances??

Incidentally, one of the most interesting things I learnt in last night's lecture is that Transport for London are commissioning a London Bus Map and are looking to invest over �50 grand in the design. Makes poor old Beck's initial twenty guineas (a few hundred quid at the time) for his map pretty damn paltry.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Friday, October 01, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Map Mania

Harry Beck Night

Weird timing - I'm probably going to see Ken Garland who wrote a book about Harry Beck, creator of the Tube map, give a talk in Kew tonight and on BBC2 at about the same time (7.30pm) there's a whole programme on him

"Modern explorer Nicholas Crane travels across eight maps that changed the face of Britain in a series of geographical challenges through some of today's wildest landscapes, telling the story of British mapmaking from the time of Chaucer through to the current generation of cyber-mappers. Inspired by a circuit board diagram, Harry Beck designed the London Underground Map, which has become an icon of London."



Loving the Punch Cartoon which shows what a the tube map used to look like and how "simple" it was to understand. According to Jill Britton, who found this cartoon - "PUNCH's cartoons regularly reflected the anxieties and spectacle of travelling by "Tube".

Also Mark Ovenden got in touch with me yesterday after reading my BBCi article on the history of the tube map. Mark wrote Metro Maps of The World and he is featured briefly on tonight's programme where Beck's map is compared to other subway maps.

Geoff n Neil are still muttering about coming to the talk in Kew with me, that's if they're not too busy signing autographs and basking in their publicity over the last few days.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Thursday, September 30, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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One Stop Short of Barking on TV

London Tonight Feature

I don't quite know how she's not sent me the recording straight away but on Friday, Mecca's book about the tube - One Stop Short of Barking - which I ably worked on, was featured on TV on London Tonight at 6pm and also previewed on the 3pm version London Today. I've got a copy of the video now which features a short interview with Mecca and Geoff has promised to work out a way of getting it streamed for the web. But in the meantime you can hear a recording of the afternoon feature here - this doesn't have Mecca's dulcet tones on it, but gives you a good idea of the way the book was covered.

See, Geoff n Neil, you're not the only media whores in town.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Thursday, September 30, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Neil n Geoff in the news

Record breaking duo in the Standard

I know that they're such shy and retiring shrinking violets who never court publicity, so I'll blog this for them. My co-bloggers have made it to page 19 of today's Evening Standard with their record breaking tube challenge.

I love the last paragraph "Mr Marshall will not reveal the route in order to protect the record. But it began at 5.29am in Amersham on the Metropolitan line and ended at 12.05am at Upminster on the District line. Ironically, after their mission they missed the last Tube home and had to take a mini-cab."

Well done Messers Marshall and Blake - you'll be on Newsnight next.

UPDATE

Not quite Newsnight but Geoff is going to be on the radio later not once, but twice - LBC at 6.20pm and BBC London at 6.40pm. Both have live streams. Wot a media whore.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Wednesday, September 29, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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New tube map front cover

Combination of art history, design and collective memory

I could never be an art critic or an artist for that matter. Reading Metro yesterday I discovered that the new pocket tube map which is printed in millions has a commissioned cover design.



It's a target made up with colours of the Tube lines, which is fine, colourful and bold - but is it really (as the arty press release would have us believe) "deceptive in its apparent simplicity with its own identity inextricably linked with that of London Underground" and does it "playfully combines the Tube line colours with art historical references, graphic design and our collective memory"?

Our collective memory of what? It's just our collective memory of tube line colours, as it "prompts a double-take as we work out why it seems so familiar".

The press release continues with this memory of tube line lark and I'm afraid it's just a bit too arsey, sorry, arty: "Emma Kay is interested in how objective facts and figures are subjected to the eccentricities of our memories. 'You Are in London' (the title of the piece) is Kay's own memory audit of the tube line colours. Combining a popular symbol with a familiar set of colours she lays claim to both."

Why not get a bit more surreal though? If something was to represent our collective memory of the Tube, I think it would have to be a bit out of focus (not just representing drunken nights on the underground). Pulling on my arty goatee beard I'd envisage something that combines speed with the dichotomy of a private company looking after a public service. Something which merges inner turmoil and ennui with the discordant echoes of Munch's The Scream. Something where Victorian values mingle unhappily with a 21st century phenomena struggling phoenix-like through a mire of bureaucracy, politics and public opinion.

Sorry, I had a bit of a Sister Wendy Beckett moment there. But if you had to artistically visualise the Tube, how would you do it?

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Wednesday, September 29, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Tubebacca

Loving this picture

I know it's from last week's Metro and I should have blogged it earlier, but I just love the nonchalant way he's sitting with his copy of Metro

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Tuesday, September 28, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Just seconds out

Apologies as I'm going to be all 'Neil' sounding here, and divulge with you some of my daily travelling dilemma.

I got to Victoria this morning (already running late thanks to a cancelled South West Trains service which would have normally taken me into Waterloo) at 09.48

I work at White City/Shepherd's Bush - I don't mind which station I get to as they're both damn close to Auntie Beeb herself.

So what would be the quickest way from Victoria? Up to the Central line on the Victoria and then head west? Wait for a Circle line train and go round to Notting Hill and then head west? Or perhaps get a District to Hammersmith, and then change to the H&C and go north a couple of stops?

[FX: Adopts geordie accents - What would you do? You decide! ]

Sorry, I came over all Big Brother there for a moment.

Well in the end, I opted for the District/Circle platform figuring I would just take whatever came first. That turned out to be an Ealing Broadway train which was already on the platform as I got it. Now sadly enough I happen to know the exact times of the H&C trains out of Hammersmith at this time of the morning. They're at 10.04, 10.12, 10.20 etc.. 8 minutes apart - and so I'm doing rough mental calculations in my head, and I figure that I should be able to make the 10.12 with a couple of minutes to change - providing I run all the way and avoid getting run over at the crossing of Hammersmith's one way system.

Except - of course - just after leaving Gloucester Road, the driver cheerfully announced that his line controller had informed him that the train was now going to Wimbledon instead. "Aggh" I thought - if he'd of announced that a station back, I would of got out and got the Circle line train that was 3 minutes behind.

Instead I get out and wait on the platform at Earl's Court for the next District train to come through which is an Ealing Broadway one and will take me to Hammersmith. But it's only then that I realise that the smart thing to have done would have been to dash down to the Piccadilly line platforms and get to Hammersmith that way - more quickly as the trains don't stop at West Kensington! And I'm supposed to be the bloody tube expert around here!

The result? Well I hardly need to tell you, do I - because you know what's coming. I get to Hammersmith at 10.10 and a few seconds. I jump out - sprint up the steps in my big coat and work bag (not easy), and see my life almost flash before my eyes as I race across the crossing just as the the traffic starts to move, run into the H&C line station .. I can see the 10.12 waiting to leave! The signal is on green! I slide my ticket into the barrier (I live outside Zone 6, so no 'Oyster' for me...) through the barrier .. run towards the train ... just as the doors 'beep' and the doors close as I'm a few metres away ... Aaaagh!

I look at station clock and my watch. They're the same - it's 10.11 and 57 seconds.

Who says that the tube never runs to time?

London Underground; Tube Posted by geofftech Monday, September 27, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Tubelation !

Is it right to talk up your own achievments? I'm not convinced that it is actually, so I did ask Annie to do this on behalf of myself and Neil, but she's not within internet-range all day and so I find myself having to talk ourselves up. What am I talking about ? ... This of course:





Yup.. they finally got back to us, with confirmation our last attempt to break the world record. God bless them at Guinness. When I rang them two weeks ago to ask how it was going (and mention it was a shame that we'd missed out on the 50th anniversarry book that's just come out) then told me that 'They still hadn't looked at my claim yet' (Three+ months after I'd submitted it), but it now had 'high priority'.

High enough eventually, for me to be woken by my girlfriend this morning from my slumber with the words "Somethings just turned up in post that I you're going to want to see", and passed me a sturdy envelope which I quickly ripped open to find inside ...





So there you have it. We are official. 18 hours, 35 minutes and 43 seconds. Now for us to get our grinning mugs in ' Metro' I think ... :-)

London Underground; Tube Posted by geofftech Thursday, September 23, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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From Edgeware to Amersham

And that's not a typo! It's deliberate.

I myself (as recommended by Annie) was reading her book of the moment (see below) of "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night" last night - in bed, and noticed that typo which every good writer about the tube makes once in a while. Yup - on the map plan of the Bakerloo line (towards the back of the book, he says without trying to give too much of the story away) they'd written 'Edgware Road' as 'Edgeware Road' by mistake. Tsk! Very shoddy.

Edgware Road, or even Edgware is not a place that exists in the Meaning of Liff though. This is a classic book that did the rounds a good 10 to 15 years ago, (and was quite funny then, but I'm not so sure about now) and was a dictionary of definitions for things which previously didn't have a word.

My favourite? A "Huby" - "An erection large enough to be a publically embarassing bulge in the trousers, but not large enough to be of use to anybody". You get the idea.

Anyway, a lot of the defintions are named after place names in the UK, and whilst browsing through the index, I couldn't fail to spot 'Amersham', which is listed as:

Amersham - "Is the sneeze which tickles, but never comes. (Thought to derive from the Metropolitan line tube station of the same name, where the rails always rattle but the train never arrives)."

Intruiged? You can download and have a look at it here.

London Underground; Tube Posted by geofftech Tuesday, September 21, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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What were you doing last January?

Snow Fun

You know Metro run lots of small ads from the BBC and other television companies asking if people have had bad experiences with builders or banks or Brazillian waxers and want to appear on TV. Well, we have an appeal through Jag as a TV company (Brook Lapping) are currently working on a "Cutting Edge" programme about how London ground to halt last January (30th Jan 2003, that is) because we had four centimetres of snow. I remember the date well as I broke my leg in two places the following day by falling on some ice outside a railway station.

It took Jag (from Route79 blog) 9 hours to get home and he chronicled his nightmare journey including letters to all manner of people on his site. He will be appearing on the Channel 4 programme and said: "the folks from Brook Lapping have indicated that they might "hire" some underground trains at night for use in filming a psuedo-reconstruction of my journey home! I haven't been given any details other than to prepare to take part in some "overnight" filming!"

Jag and the production company will be popping by from time to time so post any nightmare stories of how you got home that night - whether by tube, train or car - here.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Tuesday, September 21, 2004 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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