Miss Mind The Gap Sacked

Just when my earlier post of today shows that London Underground staff have a sense of humour, Transport for London go and ruin it all by sacking Emma Clarke. Last week, I blogged that Emma who is the voice of the majority of the pre-recorded announcements on the Tube had produced a series of spoof announcements. Well TfL didn't take too kindly to the announcements, calling them "silly" and cutting all future contracts with her.


Not sure how much irony was in the following TfL announcement from a spokesperson: "Some of the spoof announcements are very funny. But Emma is a bit silly to go around slagging off her client's services. London Underground is sorry to have to announce that further contracts for Miss Clarke are experiencing severe delays."

Most of the announcements on Emma's site actually poke fun at commuters rather than her "client's services". (UPDATE: For a while Emma's site was overloaded with people trying to listen to the mp3's. But it's up and running again)

If "crammed in a sweaty carriage" is considered a "slagging off" rather than a statement of fact, TfL ought to spend a bit less time being kill-joys and a bit more time sorting out the mess that Metronet have left us in and do something to improve the sweatiness and the err... cramminess.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Monday, November 26, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Tube Photo of the Week

Just to show that Thanksgiving even has "some" influence on the Tube:


Taken by STML at Warwick Avenue station. Thanks to Rob for the heads up.

By the way, does anyone know if the guys at Oval station are still doing their "Thought of the day" on the white boards there?


Or have they run out of thoughts?

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Monday, November 26, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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London Transport Museum Re-opens

After a two year closure and investment of £22.4 million, the London Transport Museum re-opens on the 22nd November. As it's not a million miles away from where I work, I'm sure I'll be dropping in to see what's what. We're promised state-of-the-art recreations, interactives and stunning exhibits. There's an extra floor, more space on the ground floor and a newly constructed basement theatre.


I'm most interested in the promise of transport related cocktails on the Upper Deck café bar. You can lounge around on Northern Line upholstered seats and sip the tantalisingly named The Anorak & Metropolitan Mixture drinks. One can only guess what delights they might hold. I'd imagine The Anorak is made out of cold tea. The Metropolitan Mixture was initially a medicine devised by a pharmacist in Gower Street in 1879 "to ease the plight of persons emerging in distress from the nearby station". Victorian Londoners clearly needed to recover from the early steaming and smoking underground tunnels. So perhaps this cocktail will have a medicinal "pick-me-up" kick to it.

The museum sounds like it's getting very 21st century and is already embracing of Web 2.0 marketing tactics. Apparently they used Facebook to get video clips of commuters' journeys from five ‘global cities’ – New York, Paris, Delhi, Shanghai and Tokyo. Not quite sure why London wasn't included - perhaps no one wanted to watch exhibits of crowded carriages with everyone looking miserable.

The museum also has its own Flickr set and was kind enough to add me as a friend a few weeks ago.

In the "Mystery Objects set" I found the rather strange device above, which they are asking people to guess what it might be. The only clue is that it's from 1990 and I only hope it's not as fetishy as it looks.

Feel free to make a guess in the comments below. Plus if you visit the museum it would be interesting to hear your thoughts. It's always been swarming with kids whenever I've gone in the past and if I went as an adult on my own, I used to feel a bit uncomfortable, but with a few Anorak cocktails inside me, I'd probably be beyond caring.

Update 22nd November - Mike from Trusted Places has written post based on his trip on the morning it opened with some good shots on Flickr.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Wednesday, November 21, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Goodbye to the promise of cooler Tubes

We're beginning to learn the practical effects of Metronet's collapse. The much trumpeted 150 million quid "cooling" system is now on hold (ie scrapped). The fact that this announcement was made in the middle of November on a wet and cold day, didn't stop it making front page news in The London Paper.



A new mechanical chiller was installed at Oxford Circus Station to cool the main ticket hall at the end of May this year. Similar projects at Euston & Waterloo station will now be shelved.

But it's not just cooler Tubes that are in for the chop. Plans to install lifts where there are none at present will also be delayed - with existing lifts and escalators being repaired rather than replaced. Many new stairways, entrances and exits will also be put on hold. There will also be cutbacks on plans to improve accessibility for disabled passengers.

Transport for London will take over maintenance of the lines early in 2008 after Metronet went into administration in July. Tim O'Toole, London Undergound's MD, said rather obviously: "It is not possible to have a collapse on the scale of Metronet without it having major implications."

However, TfL have to prioritise improvements to the Bakerloo, Central and Victoria lines - leaving other projects (like cooling the system & improving accessibility) struggling for money. I was shocked to hear that Metronet's collapse is apparently still costing us £13m a week.

Brian Cooke, from the passenger group London TravelWatch reckons the Government should step in and supply the extra funds.

He said: "We still believe that it was central Government which caused the mess of the public-private partnership. They got us into the mess so they should get us out of it. It should pay for any additional costs which LU has to suffer."

As passenger numbers and global warming increase it is more important than ever that measures are taken to keep the Tube cool - though we recognise this is not an easy project."

So remember to follow the wise advice from TfL of carrying a bottle of water and getting off the Tube earlier if you feel a bit too hot.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Monday, November 19, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Miss Mind The Gap Outtakes

Ever wondered what the in-carriage Tube announcements would sound like if the voice-over woman was having a bad day? Or decided to say what was really on her mind? Wonder no more as you enter the mind of Emma Clarke also nicknamed "Sonia" (her voice gets on yer nerves) the woman behind the pre-recorded announcements on almost all of the London Underground lines (she doesn't do the Jubilee Line, the Northern Line and Docklands Light Railway).

She says "You've got the microphone. It's a Monday morning. There are hundreds of bored commuters listening. The temptation is simply too much....."

The following are my favourites:

Emergency Warning

Passengers should note...

Would the gentleman...

With Residents of London.... really showing signs of a woman about to jack in the whole job.

There's lots more on Emma's site and many thanks to Nik Fox for alerting me to them in the first place.

UPDATE - Emma's now been sacked - as TfL didn't find the announcements funny - see this post for more.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Friday, November 16, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Children in Need Tube Challenge

In a few hours around 20 people will be leaving Amersham when the Tube system opens to take part in Tube Challenge for Children in Need.

James, who's a regular reader of this blog said:

"We're going all out. The whole entire map. Yes, we intend to visit every single Tube station on the map, from zone 1 to zone D, from Acton Central to Willesden Green, all 274 open Tube stations in one single day.

It's going to be hard. We're starting at just after 5, when the first train departs from deepest darkest Middlesex towards Central London. We'll see the sun rise, and then set again, in the course of our challenge (assuming we're not underground that is). We'll probably finish around 20 hours after we started, having run the equivalent of 10km each, travelled many miles across London and used transport as diverse as Tubes, buses, trains, trams and light railways.

We want to raise as much money as possible, and get press coverage for the whole Tube challenge group as well.

Now, you may be asking yourselves "well, how can I help? I'm not running all that, I'm not that insane, but I want to contribute." Well, the obvious answer is to sponsor us at http://www.justgiving.com/cintubechallenge07 - it's what most people will be doing, and certainly the easiest way to do it. You can sponsor us on completion, or for the number of commuters we knock out of the way, or the number of trains we just miss the connection for."

To see how they get on, check out their blog which James will be updating by text along the way.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Thursday, November 15, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Three of a kind game

You've probably seen the set of ads in Tube carriages from the online casino company 888.com. One of my favourites and that I've been meaning to snap for a while is about trying to predict the next "three of a kind" who sit opposite you. "Three of a kind" in this case being men or women.


Weird thing is that I rarely seem to sit opposite three men or three women in a row. Certainly not on the way into work. Coming home, I'm more likely to get the 'lads' or 'girls' night out there's something about a morning commute which means sexes are "shuffled" a bit more. Particularly when random strangers are concerned.

But perhaps it's just me. It's difficult to "prove" my theory, but I had a look at the Tube Eye Pool on flickr - which is the closest thing to vaguely regular photographic view of commuters I could think of. Of the last twenty pictures which had three or more people sitting in a row (with no spaces) only seven were "three of a kind". There were only two sets of three women amongst them, so even with my rubbish maths, that's fairly low odds of getting "three of a kind" made up of women.


Try it on the way into work and, if you're lucky enough to get a seat, - see if you a) actually get to sit opposite a three in a row, and b) can correctly predict the sex of the next three in a row you get. If there are a lot three women in a row, my random control group above is completely bogus.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Tuesday, November 13, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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TfL did consider radical redesign of Tube Map

There's been a lot of discussion about the new Tube map that's coming out this Sunday, 11th November. I've just received heads up from the guys at iPM at BBC Radio 4 that they will be talking to the Curator of the London Transport Museum and also to a person from Transport for London about the new map.

Apparently TfL will tell that they did consider a radical redesign - but then dismissed the idea as it was a step too far for now. They're continually being sent ideas for new designs but apparently none fit the bill. Interestingly they see the map as being quite "socialist" - ie equal measure is being given to each line. They have an "if it ain't broke don't fix it" approach. This is all very well, but considering there will definitely be more changes in 2012, have we really now got to the stage where something simpler should be produced?


Max Roberts alternative "curvy Tube map" is certainly pleasing on the eye. Would the extra lines and stations work on this?

Check out the piece on Radio 4 on Saturday 10th November at 5.30pm. Sounds like it will be a good one. You'll also be able to download the podcast from BBC iPM if you miss it. There will also be much more on the blog in terms of longer interviews, plus elements that didn't make the final "on-air" item, so check out their blog on Saturday evening. As a preview there's an audio piece on this post with TfL's Group Design Manager Innes Ferguson who was asked in the past if other designs were considered.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Friday, November 09, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Is Lucas at Ealing Common?

A number of music videos are shot on the Tube, but sometimes they're only shot to appear that way and you'll find a lot of artistic licence is used as the bands move around.

Realaustinman sent me a link to Lucas With the Lid Off which at around 2 minutes into the video looks as though the band are getting on the Tube at Ealing Common


But are they really?

In the scenes after the one above inside the carriage, it's pretty hard to tell which line they're on.


Is it the District or the Piccadilly Line? Or is it not on the Tube system at all?

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Tuesday, November 06, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Sneak Preview of new Tube Map

There's a new Tube map out on the 11th November and a number of people have mentioned to me that there's already a sneak preview of it doing the rounds. It was actually accidentally put up on TfL's site on the 29th October for a couple of hours and then taken down.


A new blog from the BBC commented on complexity of the system asking whether it's now too complex to map properly.

It's amazing how crowded the new map now looks. Admittedly there are a number of new stations like the re-opening of Wood Lane and the new Terminal 5 Station at Heathrow. But why do they continue to show Shoreditch even with a line through it? Any other thoughts and comments welcome.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Friday, November 02, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Subway as digestive system

Via Stuart, via Boing Boing, woot's runner up in an American T-shirt design competition features a Tube map style diagram of the digestive system.

If this was designed by a Brit we'd probably have St. Pancreas on it rather than just Pancreas:


However, I do like the description from the designer, Jack Anderson: "You're trying to get to the liver? See, what you wanna do is take the red line past the stomach, then switch trains at the small intestine. Green line'll take you right there. Oh, you need to get to the appendix after that? Get back on the green line, back to the small intestine, switch to the red southbound, then get off at the large intestine station. The purple express goes right to the appendix. Whatever you do, stay off the blue line. It winds up in a pretty bad neighborhood."

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Wednesday, October 31, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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No Tube Fare Increases for 2008

Yes, you read it correctly. Every year, certainly for as long as I've been writing this blog, we get the annual announcement that Tube and bus fares are going up. It's about as reliable as Tube strikes announcements. But now Sheriff Ken has happily proclaimed:

"Single Tube, bus, DLR and tram fares will be frozen from January 2008, as we look to share the city's economic success with our passengers.

"Record passenger numbers and careful control of operating costs have boosted transport revenues. Following the recent 10 per cent reduction in single bus fares, by freezing cash fares for 2008 I am now ensuring that the benefits will be felt by millions more Londoners."

London's Transport Commissioner, Peter Hendy, said that Tube carried more than a billion passengers for the first time last year. From Ken's press release we learn that "The average real tube fare has only risen from £1.41 to £1.43 - that is an increase of 1.4 per cent a year over eight years, or an average real increase of 0.2 per cent a year. Tube fare revenue is projected to increase by 11 per cent this year - from £1,417m last year to £1,570m.

Single Tube fares are also frozen, with the price of a single journey in central London being held at £1.50 when using Oyster, and £4 when paying by cash. A little over three per cent of Tube fares are now paid in cash."

However, in reality this might be just a bit of a spin for a number of Londoners (like me) as One Day Travelcards and Travelcard Season Tickets will rise in line with inflation. That's because these tickets also apply on National Rail, and Ken and Pete haven't got the agreement of the Train Operating Companies for lower fares.

To work out whether Oyster Pre-Pay or a Travelcard is cheaper for you - try James Cridland's handy Oyster-or-Travelcard-calculator.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Tuesday, October 30, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Tubin' with NFL Fans

Today, I was incredulously reading the story of the NFL player, Channing Chowder, who claimed not know until this week that people in London spoke English. The story initially came from Palm Beach Post's blog where I found a post about the reporter's trip on the Tube.

Entitled Going Tubin' in London Dave George "checks out the sights" on the Tube in readiness for watching NFL at Wembley. It started off OK saying our subway system was "generally efficient". However, my favourite line was:

"Exit signs that say 'Way Out', instead of exit. Must be leftovers from the '60s." I'm assuming this is a joke and he's seeing Way Out in the groovy "Way Out man" way.


I also like the general way that tourists think Tube station names are funny. "Funky station names like Mudchute, Tooting Broadway, Canada Water, Barking and Pudding Mill Lane." Although Tooting Broadway wouldn't make it onto my list of funky names.

He ends with making the cardinal sin of talking to people and asks baseball cap wearers whether they actually were American. Unsuprisingly none of the people with New York Yankee caps, Boston Red Sox lids & Miami Heat jackets hailed from the US.

Anyway I hope all of us commuters will be model Londoners and helpfully give puzzled looking Americans directions, if they ask for help. Amazingly over 80,000 people are going to watch the Miami Dolphins play the New York Giants today. Make sure you've got a translator at the ready in case you bump into anyone like Channing Crowder.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Sunday, October 28, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Speed dating on trains

First, there was "isawyoutoday.com" for people who'd experienced a James Blunt "You're Beautiful" moment and seen someone they fancied on the Tube & wanted to get acquainted. Metro used to run a weekly Commuter Cupid corner. Londonpaper now run this every day complete with blog. There's a Facebook group with over 100 members for people who "temporarily fall in love with people on public transport". Now there's more commuting dating sites than you can shake a stick at and to top all this a few days ago Germany launched train speed dating.

Rail operator Deutsche Bahn is helping singles to find that special someone, as they look for romance on the railway. The singles are divided into the two groups, the over and the under 30's, and have a series of "speed dates", all while travelling from Nuremberg to Munich on an intercity train. Each traveller has ten minutes to chat before moving onto the next target.


"A trip on the single express may be just the ticket for a new romance" gushes the presenter at the end of the video above.

Over to TfL for what could be a nice little earner for the Tube. Pack a load of singles with red roses & glasses of sparkling plonk on the Northern Line and get them to talk to each other when the trains stop between tunnels. You then swap seats when the Tube moves again. You'd easily have more time alloted to you than on a normal speed date.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Friday, October 26, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Tube Mad Hatter - Round Two

In August Chutney Bannister took a picture of a guy I'd seen on the Tube at Leicester Square a few times, but he'd always refused to have his photo taken. He appears to be getting much less camera shy and now Mr Jam has taken a great picture of him at Kings Cross Tube:


I'm still none the wiser as to what his campaign on the Evening Standard's editor, Veronica Wadley is really about. Mr Jam said:

"I got talking to him because I really wanted to know what he was all about, but he was very cagey with the details. I did manage to win his confidence enough for him to allow me to take his photograph, which is something he never does, apparently. He denied that he was an eccentric or a character, but I'd say the evidence points to the contrary."

If anyone else spots him on their travels on the Tube, please be send me a picture. Thanks to Mr Jam for sending this.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Thursday, October 25, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Lions for Lambs at Leicester Square

Tom Cruise's new film had its opening at Leicester Square last night and a couple of fans had a little souvenir of the evening to bring back on the Tube


I couldn't quite see who had signed the placard, but as Tom Cruise seems to spend about two hours doing walkabouts at premieres these days, my money's on him.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Tuesday, October 23, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Madrid's metro map tested by bridge players

Thanks to Max Roberts for giving the heads up to the FT's weekend feature on Madrid's reaction when their subway map was changed earlier this year. The map was "replaced by a new plano esquematico, with stern horizontals and verticals, produced by a local design agency. Reaction was furious. 'It's a monstrosity,' said one complainant. 'Idiotic and unnecessary,' said another."

Personally I think the new one (detail immediately below) looks much clearer than the old one:

Detail of New Madrid Metro Map


Detail of Old Madrid Metro Map
However, if you know Madrid there are some unsettling oddities. According to the FT, the designer, Rafa Sanudo, makes the standard Line 1 journey from Pinar de Chamartin to Valdecarros "seem as though you're on some weird escalator".

Max predicts: "It will last three or four years, until the person who commissioned it moves on. Then they'll change their minds."

I'm sure we'd get a similar "up in arms" reaction from the UK if the Tube map lost its curves & 45 degree angles and went all spiky overnight. Even Max's own curvy Tube map bought mixed reactions when blogged here.

Apparently Madrid's map "has slipped the surly bonds of reality completely. All diagonals are banned, which makes it very uncompromising." But my favourite part of this story is hearing about the guinea pigs that the map's designer, Rafa Sanudo, used as a sanity check for the map: "He said he tested it on his mother-in-law and her bridge partners, which sounds as good a focus group as any other, and cheaper than most. But perhaps they don't get out much."

Check out the full FT feature here.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Monday, October 22, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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London Underground Fashion Victims

Fashion Victims on the Tube

It's Friday, time for another look at commuters on the Tube who could be considered victims of fashion or have certainly taken a style and made it their own.

First Uggs of Autumn

You can tell it's getting colder when the Uggs are out in force. She's gone for the full Paris Hilton look with the micro mini skirt and the boots which are more appropriate for Russian steppes than the steps of an escalator.


I also like the hardy rucksack with it's "scooby doo" key chain / bag jewellery and the glitzy sequinned gold accompaniment.

Label alert

Speaking of escalators, they put you at a great vantage point to spot people who've left the labels on the soles of their shoes. Yeah, I know that doesn't make you a "fashion victim". But it does spoil your nice cropped Twiggy trouser look and Top Shop shopper bag.


Autumnal Puffa

I was fascinated by this guy's puffa jacket:


It would have made a great camouflage jacket if he'd decided to lie in an cartoon forest. Unfortunately, you can't see from the picture very well but there were little monkeys hiding amongst the leaves. Also loving the astronaut on his jeans pocket. All very Neil Armstrong meets Walt Disney.

Ghetto Blaster Heaven

Finally retro Metrosexual Trompe L'Oiel look:


Is it a man bag? Did he raid a toy shop? Is he being ironic? Is it all out kitsch? Who knows.

That's it for now. The previous victims can be found here and the complete picture gallery can be seen on the following Flickr set.

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Friday, October 19, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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The Surreal Line

A guest post today from my friend and ace Tube photographer "Chutney Bannister" -

"Like most users of the tube, I have my own little ritual to get through the journey. Whilst most scuffle around for a stray copy of one of the freesheets, dig into the latest best seller, switch on their iPods, or switch off completely, I'm keeping my eyes peeled for a route onto the Surreal Line.

"You won't see it on any official Tube maps. Or ones those enthusiasts keep of abandoned tunnels and disused stations. The ticket office won't tell you what zones it occupies. Tube drivers won't make any mention of it when they call out connections. Platform staff, they just shrug and look back at you blankly. Eyes glazed over as you explain you once saw a connection on the Bakerloo line. Or was it the Jubilee? Fellow commuters? Pfft! First rule of Tube travelling is, you don't talk. In spite of that, every now and again though, if I'm lucky, I'll catch a glimpse of it. I know it's there… except sometimes it isn't! It's a bit like trying to find ways into Narnia... the entrance is never the same, and once used, it disappears completely.

"Please believe me, I've been on the Surreal Line. Sometimes for mere seconds, other times for maybe a minute perhaps even two. I can't explain how it happens, or why, but in the blink of an eye, I'm suddenly there! Sitting in one of its trains, or standing on one of its platforms, slightly befuddled as I watch a baby leap above a crowded carriage of bored commuters.

On other trips, I've seen a woman waft a man with handfuls of cash, a giant offer a businessman a plateful of jelly and a mischievous squirrel attempt to leave a box on a man's shoulder. I've sat in a train and been eyed up by gawping giants. Watched a pair of eyes roll by the carriage windows, sneaking a peak at a commuter's paper in the time-honoured tradition. Before I can point this out to anyone, as if by magic, I'm suddenly back again. Like Mr Benn, with a token souvenir of his dressing room travels, all I have left are these pictures.

If you've been on the Surreal Line too, and know when it'll next appear, can you please let me know? I think I left my umbrella there...

Chutney Bannister"

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Wednesday, October 17, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Disappearing Chocolate Machines

Linked to post I made last week about food on the Tube, I received an email from Billy last week with the following poser:

"Around Easter time this year, every single Cadbury's chocolate machine on the Underground - at least, every single one I've seen over the last six months or so - has been taken out of service. Some have been removed entirely, some just sit there, their fronts turned inside out with a 'This machine has been taken out of service' sticker.


I had noticed that in the last few months before their demise, they'd been rewarding me with chocolate without me paying a penny. I'd got two packets of Mini Cream Eggs this way, and at Westminster I'd put a pound coin in, only for it to come straight out again...but gave me some chocolate anyway! Even so, getting rid of the lot seems a bit extreme, surely, it's ending a century of tradition.

I was at least comforted with the Coca Cola machines still working, at £1 they were actually cheaper than a lot of other places that sell them...except in the last few weeks these seem to have gone as well, I usually get a bottle from Green Park but they've vanished!

Now I have to try and remember before I go inside a station to visit the newsagent first, it's much less convenient though. Any ideas why they've got rid of them, and do you know if they'll ever be back?"

First of all I thought he was wrong and he was referring to a point when the chocolate machines were faulty & were melting the chocolate. But then I spent one evening coming home deliberately looking at the platorms where I knew there were machines and he was right, they had gone.

Now to be honest losing Cadbury's machines isn't a great hardship for me as I hate Cadbury's chocolate. The fact that it's taken me months to even notice they were missing also shows I'm not going to mourn their passing. Like many people I've also lost count of the times my money has been swallowed by those machines, with no chocolate in return.

But like Billy I wonder if their disappearance is permanent? Has the concession gone to Mars instead (which would be a result for me)? Will we ever see Tube platform chocolate or drinks machines again?

London Underground; Tube Posted by Unknown Monday, October 15, 2007 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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