"Yesterday morning, I was exiting St James's Park tube station on my way to a quantum physics exam. I had a cold, so my head felt blocked up and I felt thoroughly tired. On the stairs out of the station, I was stuck behind a trainload of rush-hour people. I should have tried to get on at the right door, but the train was so full that I just went right to the front. I saw a couple of policemen (sorry, I should use the PC term [geddit?!], police officers) walking along the opposite platform towards the ticket hall. It felt like my revision had been futile and this was the end. Destroyed by physics. Dropped under severe quantum pressure.
Eventually, i reached the ticket barrier and chose my gate. Approaching the gate, the bloke in front put his paper ticket in, but it didn't work, and I had already touched the Oyster card. The gentleman in front went straight through the gate on my ticket, and that was the last straw.
"Oh, for fuck's sake," I said, a little too loudly.
The policemen were standing on the other side of the barriers. One of them turned around.
I tried walking further into the ticket gate, but it closed on me. Walking toward the gateline SA, who appeared to be smirking, as if he knew what was going to happen next, I explained, "He went through on my Oyster card," and touched the card on the reader beside the open gate where he sat. He motioned me to go through. The policemen had taken up battle positions on the other side of the gate.
"Excuse me, sir, could I have a word?" one asked. He brought me aside. "Certainly," I replied. "You can't use that kind of language in public, alright? It could get you arrested." "Yeah, OK. Thanks."
He then let me go. That set me up nicely for my exam. Thanks, Transport Police.
And the fare-dodger?
As far as I could tell, he got away!
Morals: Don't swear in public: travel on the Tube for free instead!"
My two pennyworth on this is that the policemen must have been pretty bored (or Anthony was wearing his dustmask and they thought he was a danger to the public). If I was cautioned for the amount of times I said "Oh for fuck's sake" on the tube, I would be spending my days with Kat Slater, languishing in jail.
Plus, what's the Oystercard error code for "someone blags their way in front of you" or "tailgates" (I think that's the official term) you?