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Monday, October 17, 2005

Tube Tips For Women

I dread to think what they are....

On Sunday I spotted this poster at Notting Hill London Underground Station. I'm sure the leaflet its advertising is very well meaning with lots of advice about travelling safely at night and not taking unauthorised mini cabs and trying not to get in a carriage by yourself late at night etc etc.

Tube Tips for Women - seen at Notting Hill Station

But I bet it hasn't got the following Practical Tube Tips for Women

1. If you are sitting next to a man with his legs sticking wide apart, don't be tempted to ask him if he is about to give birth, and don't tap him on the arm and say "Push, push".

2. Don't expect any man to stand up for you if you are looking a bit tired or frazzled. The only way to get a seat in those cases is to pretend you are about to throw up. The carriage will clear like lightening.

3. If you do have to travel in a carriage late at night by yourself sit in the very front one and at the seat next to the driver's door. Be ready to bang sharply on it if anyone dodgy gets on and starts hassling you.

4. Despite the fact that the Tube's leaflet has pictures of lipstick "tubes" over it and that a almost a quarter of women (including me) put on their make up on the tube, people (mainly men) will look at you as though you are on the toilet if you do it. But don't worry, it's just cos they are jealous that they can't shave on the tube. Try not to draw overt attention to yourself though by curling your eyelashes with a spoon.

5. Don't carry metallic bags - it's official these are soooooo over. See the comments from my Tube Fashion Victims post.

; Posted by Annie Mole Monday, October 17, 2005 Permalink COMMENT HERE Add to Stumble Upon