"We apologise for the slow train on the Central line at West Acton but we have had reports of a cow on the line and we need to sneak up on it quietly if we want to get it for dinner."
"I'm proud to announce the Bakerloo line has been voted the line of the brownest colour for the 3rd year running."
"Although we can't speak on behalf of the Overland we'd like to clarify that if you are a Womble at Wimbeldon Station you cannot go 'Underground, Overground, Wombling Free'. All passengers on the Underground must pay for a ticket and that includes Wombles."
Wapping Tunnel Tour to celebrate Brunel's 200th Birthday
This weekend Isambard Kingdom Brunel would have been 200 years old and you can celebrate this by going on a tour of his dad's tunnels underneath the Thames between Wapping and Rotherhithe Tube stations. The brilliant curator of Brunel Museum, Robert Hulse, will be running innuendo ridden tours for a fiver.
"To mark the historic occasion the museum is also launching a new book by Harold Bagust.
The author will be on hand to talk about the publication, a new biography of Sir Marc Brunel called 'The Greater Genius?' and to sign copies between 1pm and 2pm on both Saturday and Sunday.
The book tells the story of Isambard's father who was also a revered engineer, from his origins in France and escape from the French Revolution, through to successes which saw him linked to many of the greatest engineers and influential people of the time."