I'm not a programmer, so it's pretty basic. I also couldn't work out how to get it to play within this blog post itself, so when you click the image above, it will open up in a new window.
You might also remember Reggie Perrin's late train excuses that he gave to his secretary, so this owes a nod and a wink to him too. However, I've tried to keep it as 21st century Tube Speak as possible.
If you've a driver, or train operator or customer service platform assistant or whatever - you might be able to send me some more delay excuses, sorry perfectly rational reasons that I can drop in over time.