STOP PRESS TOP DRIVER'S ANNOUNCEMENTS

Nik Fox recorded a really funny London Underground driver who was clearly either on drugs, or delirously happy, or both. It's a classic, he talks about people getting on board the tube with ironing boards, and how every man on the carriage should stand up for any Mum as it's Mother's Day tomorrow.

You can hear the driver here

Cheers Nik.


STOP PRESS AGAIN (busy day)

To anyone living in Suffolk I'm going to be interviewed on BBC Radio Suffolk on Monday at 15.45 when www.goingunderground.net will (hopefully) be their website of the day. I hope the interviewer is someone like Alan Partridge from Radio Norwich (slapped wrist.....stop being such a city chick).

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Friday, July 18, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Was sitting opposite a woman with the strangest piece of jewellery on today. It was a ring that was attached to her bracelet by a small chain on the outside of her hand. Quite pretty items separately, but together most bizarre.

Those Highland Spring girls were out in full force today, handing out bottles of free water at the Piccadilly Circus exit. If you're not in London - let's have a quick weather check - hmmmm - it's cold, I've got a cardigan on, it's grey and drizzling. A few hot days in London and the city goes mad and Ken does his "let's get a reward for air conditioning on the tube as it's soooooo hot", and then the weather turns pants.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Friday, July 18, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Clearly air conditioning on the tube and the reward has struck a chord (despite the fact it's currently wet, grey and miserable and not particularly warm in London). Several hits to this blog as a result of people searching and in today's Metro a very good letter response to Mayor Ken Livingstone's reward:

"I gather than Ken Livingstone has offered a reward of �100,000 to the person who invents a successful air conditioning system for the Underground. As one of the unfortunate cattle-class who has to battle through these radiator pipes every day, here's my idea: more trains, fewer people per train. This will mean fewer people standing on baking platforms and less Tube rage. And less time spent meditating in someone else's armpit. So do I get the �100,000?"
Lucy Johnston from London WC1

This slightly echoes my earlier posting, if the tube were doing their job properly in the first place Sheriff Ken, shouldn't have to be offering "rewards" for something that someone in the last hundred years of tube travel should have worked out by now.

The BBC have also got people to come up with some excellent suggestions as to how the tube should be cooled down - some complete with images:



* Replace those tired old tracks and trains with canals and gondolas. The cool water and slow pace of travel will make it much more pleasant.

* Equip all passengers with personal breathing apparatus and flood the tunnels using water from ye mighty Thames.

* Using cooling colours like deep blues and whites would create the impression of cool. Painting the walls and installing drinking fountains would help.

* Providing all passengers with free ice lollies.

* Getting a frozen pea company to sponsor the tubes with giant packs of frozen peas stuck to the outside of trains.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Thursday, July 17, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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New Scientist magazine discovers GoingUnderground.net

First Capital Radio, then FHM, then Bizarre magazine, and now The New Scientist (19th July issue) have discovered the joys of the drivers announcements recorded on my main site.

FEEDBACK recently came across the Going Underground website - the "fun London Underground guide" at www.going-underground.com. As we regularly travel on the tube, we particularly enjoyed the page of quotes from tube drivers and station announcers.

They then go on to quote their favourites, one of which is the one that started the whole thing off that I heard at Earl's Court and I really don't think is that funny anymore:

"there are times when passengers must wonder if they are in entirely in safe hands. At Earl's Court, the station PA declared: "The train at platform three is not going to Parsons Green but to Richmond. The train approaching platform two is also not going to Parsons Green but to Ealing Broadway. These trains are not going to Parsons Green despite what the signalmen think."

Anyway there are loads more, so enjoy.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Wednesday, July 16, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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29 degrees on the tube and hotter than transporting cattle screamed the headline on the Evening Standard who were bursting with tube news today. It's the day the Americans take over the tube in the shape of Bob Kiley and Tim O'Toole - the new bloke who's taking over from Paul Godier.

Well I didn't notice any difference on day one. I was lucky as I mentioned yesterday to travel to somewhere near the North Pole this morning (Whetstone and Totteridge or Totteridge and Whetstone), which is so far North of where I live it is not true. I used the Silverlink for most of the journey and it all started to go wrong (surprise, surprise) when I boarded the northern Line. The train wasn't going to the end of the earth like it had displayed but stopped unexpectedly about four stops from Totterstone and Whetbridge. So I got off met my colleague who unbeknown to me was on the same train - and we waited about ten minutes for the train to arrive.

Going back into Piccadilly Circus took close on an hour, but it was lunchtime and fortunately the train was not packed and also fortunately it stopped for great lengths of time with it's doors open at stations. This wasn't a form of air conditioning or great kindness on the part of the drivers but simply normal Northern Line rubbish service.

(BLIMEY Ken Livingstone is offering a reward of �100,000 to anyone who can air condition the tube - a reward mate, they ought to get a knighthood. But also Ken, isn't this simply part of London Underground's job. Over 100 years of the tube and it's still not air conditioned. Hello, but hasn't someone thought this was a problem in the past thousands and thousands of times and shouldn't people being paid to invent something rather than turning it into a Lottery style fiasco or prize draw dumbing down milarky)

I thank my lucky stars that I do not have to do a journey like that Totteridge and Whetstone to ....anyhere, every day. It makes my Kew to Piccadilly journey seem like a walk in the park - but a park that's full of people with luggage, rucksacks, discarded copies of Metro and blokes sitting on benches with their legs wide apart.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Wednesday, July 16, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Possibly the hottest day of the year today and had the pleasure of going down the Piccadilly Circus escalator behind a man who had a perfectly shaped rucksack sweat "mark"/transfer, not sure what to call it, on his back. Eewww - it was foul. Which sort of ties in with my mood today.

Oh well, tomorrow I face the delights of an morning meeting on the penultimate stop of the Nothern Line which will probably take me half a day to reach from Kew. What fun.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Monday, July 14, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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At the bottom of the Piccadilly Line exit's escalator at Piccadilly Circus, saw a man very kindly giving instructions to a oriental looking tourist. It involved much arm waving and pointing at maps. I'm not sure how great the oriental man's English was hence the "air traffic controller" style arm movements.

I often have to give people directions when I arrive at or leave Kew Gardens station as it's a major tourist attraction. I feel that I ought to get some money off my poll tax for this public service. I certainly don't subscribe to the rather weird "Urban Interventions" seen in the delightfully diverting "Smoke" - a London peculiar magazine:

Urban Intervention No.5
When a tourist next asks you for direction insist on personally taking them to their destination, even if this involves catching a bus or taking the Tube

Urban Intervention No.6
If you are asked for directions and are unable to help, conisder recommending an alternative destination that you would find equally interesting

Many thanks to Diamond Geezer by the way for bringing Smoke to my attention.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Friday, July 11, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Got rather trashed last night and had to put the auto tube pilot into gear. Got on at Leicester Square at about five to minight, then fell asleep. Did my auto wake up at Turnham Green and amazingly the next District Line was going to Richmond. I've lost count of the times I have sat at Turnham Green late at night, wanting to get home, normally wanting to go to sleep or go the loo, and loads and loads of Ealing Broadway trains have come along. (I'm sure anyone living in Ealing reading this will think I'm mad and will say there are more Richmond bound ones......they are WRONG)

Fell asleep again and luckily the auto pilot kicked in again at Kew Gardens where I fell out.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Thursday, July 10, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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So glad that Wimbledon is over as it was playing havoc with the soap TV schedules. Not glad to see that Ariel washing powder who seem to sponsor Tim Henman's whites, have taken it upon their heads to sponsor whole District Line carriages with their ads above people's heads. This is a tad montonous and when you look at them you think; "Mmm yes, we see" I wonder how long they'll be up in the carriages, as the bright green is playing havoc with my eye sight.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Monday, July 07, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Helping my friend do research for her book at the moment and a becoming obsessed with watching men on the tube sitting with their legs wide apart. If someone can please tell me why you do this? Is it genetic. The Cartoonist sent me this excellent sticker from the Japanese subway where men are simply told not to do it.



And a couple of days ago Metro had the following cartoon.



So guys it's not big or clever (well it is big I spose), but it makes you look really sad.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Friday, July 04, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Hideous morning - got to Hammersmith where I normally change onto the Piccadilly Line to find it was about four people deep in folks waiting to get onto the VERY delayed Piccadilly Line. So I thinks it's best to stay put and take the District Line train that I was on - which constantly stops between stops - Embankment and change there onto the Bakerloo.....sorry YAWN, YAWN...boring travel story alert. STOP.

What was annoying about this was that it illustrates that tube sods law in that when you are delayed you will always make the wrong decision. I'm absolutely positive I'd have got into work faster had I waited for about four full Piccalilly Line trains to pass rather than to have got the Fish and Parcels Line (do not ask - I have no idea why the District Line is nicknamed the Fish and Parcels Line - particularly as I seem to be the only person I know who knows this).

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Tuesday, July 01, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Rucksacks

No sooner had I spoke about travelling back from Gatwick with an average sized rucksack on the tube yesterday - today I was unfortunate enough to get on the Piccadilly Line that had come in from Heathrow, where there seemed to be the annual convention of backpackers from Oz reunion. I have never seen such large backpacks and they proceeeded to congregrate on the floor in front their owners taking up the space of four adults or at least ten small children.

One of the owners of the backpacks whistled to it and it leapt upon his shoulders as he left the train proceeding to stamp heavily on my foot as he left. I left after him and watched him nearly concuss half a dozen people as he made his way upstairs.

Do you not realise you have something the size of a Smart car on your back? Do you not think this might be a tad inconvenient to travel this way in the rush hour?

For more on this check out my ramblings on the main site.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Monday, June 30, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Came back from a weekend away today and unusually got the tube home from Victoria after the delights of the Gatwick Express. Normally have too much luggage to bother with the tube after a flight and get a taxi from Victoria but with just a rucksack and with it being Sunday it was reasonable today. Rather pedantic announcer at Victoria though as there were severe delays on the District Line and he was giving us minute by minute announcements about moving down the platform, taking the next available train, standing back from the doors when they arrived etc etc. Was about to show my husband the brilliant "rule" about where to get on so you're near the doors - which the guy from LBC referenced in his blog below. It worked. Stand by the MIND THE GAP floor signs - nine times out of 10 you'll be in front of the doors.

A brilliant transportation website linked to this blog recently and I learnt that on buses in Iceland they attach paperbacks on the seats so that people have something to read. What a fantastic idea. Unlikely to last for a second if it was on buses or any other public transport in London - unless they were books by someone very very dull.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Monday, June 30, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Back in the UK and a remarkably "pleasant" journey into work. Well train came more or less straight away and my connection at Glamoursmith (Hammersmith) was very fast too.

Haven't noticed any major eye opening differences whilst being off for two weeks. While I was away my blog and other bits of Going Underground were quoted on a late night radio show on LBC which was quite fun. However as it was on the classic graveyard shift of 1am till 5am (I have visions of Alan Partridge talking to one man and a dog), I've not been swamped with traffic.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Thursday, June 26, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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No entries for a couple of weeks as I'm on holiday to a sunny Greek Island. Hoorah!

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Tuesday, June 10, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Carling are taking over the Underground!

Well they certainly seem to be behind this busking business. Not only have the sponsored all the buskers "platforms" and posters but at certain stations (Piccadilly Circus and Waterloo - are the two I've spotted), there are giant TV monitors with little adverts from Carling about concerts they are sponsoring and also this morning a little black and white slide show of the pubs nearest to Piccadilly Circus where you can buy pints of Carling. I would love to get hold of the guys behind this campaign as they have money to burn it appears. So guys from Carling if you want to attract commuters and you've got a few quid to spare out of your marketing budget, there's some spare ad space on my main site..........

Mail Rail tubes going - who cares?

I can't believe there is so much press coverage about the demise of these trains that travel the tube network with London's mail. Hardly anyone knew about them in the first place and now it seems that hundreds of people, including some bods from London Assembly are up in arms about the fact they'll be closed down at the end of the month. The system is thought to be losing about �250 million a year- close it down - it's clearly not cost effective. The BBC website asked for possible uses of the train instead as it seems that it might be sold off to a commercial company. Some of my favourite suggestions for its use from that feature are below:

* To hold the politians and civil servants who made the train unprofitable.
* Make it into a tourist attraction (mmmm lovely views of tunnels, dirt, dust and shite)
* A luggage check in procedure for people using the Heathrow/Paddington Express
* A pub crawl
* Sell to Dr Evil so he can transport his henchmen to and from his underground lair
* With the four foot height limit, it is not suitable for commuter traffic, but it could perhaps be used to ferry parties of young children on school runs.

I love that idea

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Monday, June 09, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Did my ears deceive me?

Travelling up the final escalator at Piccadilly Circus today I heard a loud announcement over the tannoy with a woman speaking in what sounded like Japanese. When I came out thorugh the barriers, I expected to see London Underground staff creasing themselves in laughter as they'd played some vast late (or early) April Fool's Joke. But nothing, the all looked as bored, disinterested and miserable as usual. So perhaps this Japanese woman is a permanent fixture. Strangely there was no English translation as I'd love to know what she was asking us to do.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Friday, June 06, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Petition to Keep the Tube Open Longer

Yep you heard me correctly. More delays, more frustration, more drivers announcements but also easier and cheaper ways to get home on Friday and Saturday nights after you've been out on the razz. A friend sent me a link to this today and in the spirit of GoingUnderground it went up on the site like a shot.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Wednesday, June 04, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Heckling buskers....it's not big or clever

Saw the most bizarre sight on the way home of a busker being heckled by a drunken bloke on the District Line. I'm not a great fan of buskers who make their way along the carriages of the train and if I have a walkman I put it on the minute they appear, otherwise stare into the pages of a book or paper as though it's the most interesting thing in the world and try to imagine they are not there.

So when the talentless (formerly pink haired) busker who does the District Line got on about to wail out REM's "Losing my Religion" for the thousandth time, I inwardly groaned. Although not quite as loud as the inner groan, when the man sitting in the seat nearest him said:

"You're not gonna sing are you?.....You're not gonna play that guitar?

Pointless rhetorical questions.

Egged on by his equally drunken mate, the drunk then proceeded to "sing" along with the busker in the lines of:

Busker: "I thought that I heard you laughing"

Drunk: "I thought you needed a wash"

Busker: "I think I thought I saw you try"

Drunk: "I think I'm gonna need a shower"

Fortunately, this only lasted two stops, which "I think I thought" was two stops too many.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Wednesday, June 04, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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Firstly, welcome if you come to this blog from Neil Gaiman's blog which hundreds of you have - wow!

Secondly, big thanks to Neil for linking to the blog yesterday and to the driver's quotes on the main goingunderground.net site too. Never had so much traffic to the blog so I'll have to watch what I say from now on ;-)

Metro Newspaper moment

Reading in more detail about the Chancery Lane tube accident. It's quite disturbing yet fascinating to read about train crashes when you're on a train yourself. I was in two minds whether to report on this - with so many new people coming to the blog, I was tempted to go down the usual route of weird, unusual and funny things spotted on my daily commute from Kew Gardens to Piccadilly Circus. But then I thought WTF, it's important, people could have died and safety is normally taken for granted on the tube, that we should sit up and at least think about what happens when things go wrong.

Fortunately January's accident didn't lead to any loss of life, but it did lead to closure of the Central line for months and months. The parts of Metro's front page report which really disturbed me were as follows:

1) Why was full service only returned two days ago?

2) OK, I joke a lot about driver's announcements, but the poor driver of this train must have been really disturbed and hit the wrong button when calling the line controller and the words "mayday" and "fire" came over the normal public address system.

3) When people were escaping the staff did not have torches or megaphones and no one could see exits properly because of the thick dust.

4) There would have been no escape route at all if the derailed train had blocked the platform exit.

Anyway enough said - from a practical point of view expect to see nothing on the tube's official site about today's report from the London Assembly's transport committee, except for the "helpful" note that the claims refund telephone line is now closed. A few months ago I reported on my main site about an email doing the rounds encouraging everyone to try to make a claim as the London Underground were giving refunds to all people affected by the closure of the Central Line, even if you didn't use it every day.

London Underground; Tube Posted by annie mole Tuesday, June 03, 2003 Permalink COMMENT HERE
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